


I'm Out Of My Head (Of My Heart and My Mind)

by starsnatched



Series: Fangs On My Neck (Now You're Mine) [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun, Alpha Nakamoto Yuta, Alpha Suh Youngho | Johnny, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Beta Moon Taeil, Character Study, Developing Relationship, Dirty Thoughts, Explicit Sexual Content, I think?, I'll add the other members I promise, M/M, Masturbation, Might add more tags, Minor Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Mark Lee (NCT), Overuse of the term "Alpha", Relationship Study, Self-Discovery, at the very end lol, minor sexual tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25649731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsnatched/pseuds/starsnatched
Summary: There is absolutely nothing wrong with what he’s doing, Jaehyun tells himself.There is absolutely no wrong here.He eyes the bottle of lube that he just bought and thinks that, fine, maybe there is something unusual in what he’s about to do.For the first time ever, Jaehyun is going to… finger himself.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Series: Fangs On My Neck (Now You're Mine) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859527
Comments: 20
Kudos: 242





	I'm Out Of My Head (Of My Heart and My Mind)

**Author's Note:**

> Jesus. Christ. This is super long. 
> 
> I know I should continue my LuTen series but... this is too good of an idea to pass up. I'll do my best to flesh this out nicely, of course. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think in the comments below!

_There is absolutely nothing wrong with what he’s doing_ , Jaehyun tells himself. _There is absolutely no wrong here_. 

He eyes the bottle of lube that he just bought and thinks that, fine, maybe there is something unusual in what he’s about to do. 

For the first time ever, Jaehyun is going to… finger himself.

It’s weird just thinking about it, and the thought of actually going through with it leaves a bitter taste at the back of his throat. His inner alpha is not really liking the fact that Jaehyun would actually think of doing something like _this_ , but after accidentally stumbling on a porn video that had two alphas fucking, he’s curious. Very curious. The bottom was moaning so much and, if it felt that good, then Jaehyun wants some of that. And okay _fine_ , maybe he was a little bit aroused by the end of the video. 

Society has progressed a bit in terms of their views on submissive alphas, but there are still stigmas surrounding them. if anyone were to ever find out that Jaehyun did something that only betas or omegas do.... His instincts would tell him to never step out of his dorm room again. 

Well, his roommate’s out, and since lunch break is only for fifty minutes, he needs to hurry up. He clicks on the video he first found— “Big Daddy Alpha Turns Other Alpha Into His Bitch”. 

Jaehyun removes his pants and boxers, and when he drizzles cold lubricant on his digits, he shivers. It’s kind of like omega slick, except he’s going to use it to shove fingers in _himself_. The alpha in him snarls, not used to such submissive behavior.

 _Shut up_ , Jaehyun growls in his head. _Shut the fuck up, you stupid alpha_.

He feels something in his chest tug harshly as he circles his asshole with a lubed finger. His instincts tell him that what he’s doing is wrong. He’s an alpha, for god’s sake, he needs to act like one. 

Jaehyun tells that part of him to be quiet as he starts the video. When it begins, the camera is zoomed straight onto the bottom’s butt. The top was thrusting roughly, and the one getting fucked was making all kinds of noises.

_“You have that knot but can’t even use it. Always want to be filled to the brim, huh?”_ The top drives home the question by ramming into the other. The poor, other alpha cries out. Jaehyun, ever so slowly, inserts the finger inside himself. It doesn’t feel so bad. It’s like he’s taking a shit, except it’s in reverse. It feels a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time… good? 

“See? There’s nothing wrong with,” Jaehyun tells himself, and he unknowingly bares his fangs. The instinctual part of him wants the finger _out_ ; Jaehyun and his alpha are fighting in his mind. “Nothing wrong with trying out new things—”

 _“Whore alphas like you should just spread their legs and take dick. Bet you’d like that, huh?”_ The top’s gruff voice pierces the room, and it brings Jaehyun back to earth. He hadn’t realized that he started thrusting his finger in and out. The tug in his chest is still there, and it threatens to overcome his senses, but he does his best to silence his instincts.

_“No! No, no—”_ The bottom tries to say, but they’re cut off by the other alpha quickening their pace. The top laughs, _“No? Then what the fuck are you doing, taking my cock?”_

A whine resonates throughout the room, and it takes a split second to register that it was Jaehyun’s. He looks down to see that he, unconsciously, stuck another finger inside himself. 

_“Why the fuck are you drooling over my knot? Answer me, bitch.”_

“I-I don’t know,” Jaehyun’s voice is wobbly, and he doesn’t even realize that he’s talking to someone in an amateur porn video. The unpleasant feeling is slowly but surely fading, and when it really comes down to it, it feels nice. Better than nice, actually. “I-I really don’t k-know.” 

When Jaehyun inserts another finger, he whimpers. He has the vague sensation of being full, and he’s conflicted whether he likes it. It feels… satisfying. It feels really good, but the tugging within his chest is still present. He’s an alpha, after all— he would never confess to doing something like this, much less admit that it feels pleasurable. 

“Fuh-fuck.” Jaehyun throws his head back, free hand going to his dick. Stroking it, the combined sensations makes his toes curl and his entire body tingle. 

_“Too fucking stupid to answer. I should’ve expected that from a bitch alpha like you.”_ A cruel laugh echoes throughout the room. The tone of it makes the hair on Jaehyun’s neck stand on end— he’s unsure whether he should fight or submit. 

Jaehyun ends up growling, stuck between the two choices. It feels strange, actively fighting against his innate nature to dominate, but in a good way. It feels sort of dirty and taboo, like it’s something he shouldn’t be doing but does anyway. The thought makes his stomach pool with a familiar heat.

__“I-I’m gonna come,” Jaehyun cries out. His hand is a blur as he pumps himself, and he tries to thrust the fingers inside of him as quick as he can. “Shit. Ah, c-cumming—”_ _

__Jaehyun lets out an embarrassingly high moan as he cums, dirtying his hand and stomach. He stops himself from stroking, wanting to focus more on the drag of his fingers in his ass. Even though he used a shit ton of lube, there’s still a bit of friction. When he, ever so slowly, pulls out his fingers, it feels like fucking fireworks._ _

__Jaehyun lies there in his own mess, gasping for breath. When he removes his fingers, he feels strangely empty. His head hits his pillow hard as the video keeps on playing, having no strength nor clean hands to stop the video._ _

_This is the first and last time_ , Jaehyun tells himself and his inner alpha as he uses one of his fingers to scoop up some of his cum and observe it. It’s surprising how he was able to release this much, and he wasn’t even in rut. _Never again_. 

__

“This is the last time,” Jaehyun mutters as he takes his half-empty bottle of lube out of his drawer. “I swear.” 

He gets on his bed as per usual, and shimmies down his pants and boxers. All the while telling the alpha inside him that really, this is the last time he’ll ever do this. Even though it’s already been a week after the incident, and that he’s been fucking himself with his fingers every chance he gets. 

__It’s not like his instincts listen to him— they’re instincts, after all— but it kicks the taboo factor a notch up. And really, there’s just something hot about going against his nature, to present himself instead of dominating like what society wants from him. Expects from him._ _

“Fuck.” He moans and throws his head back onto his pillow, ramming his fingers in and out. Because of how often he masturbates, his body had eventually adapted to taking in his digits with little difficulty, much to the horror of the alpha within him. 

“Shut up, oh my god.” He pants out when he hears something in his head say hey, what he’s doing is wrong, even though there’s absolutely nothing out of the ordinary going on. Jaehyun spreads his legs and strokes the walls inside. The sensations are akin to electricity sparking down his spine. He kicks his legs, partly because of how electrifying it is, but partly because his body is telling him to remove his fingers _now_. 

_“Aw, does the slut need alpha’s cock?”_ A sneering voice makes itself known from Jaehyun's phone. _“Does the little alpha need a fat knot to satisfy them?”_

Jaehyun growls in response because every fiber in his body screams no. He’s an alpha, he should not want to be fucked, knotted, bred. But so far, everything feels _so good_. What would it feel like, actually getting fucked by another alpha? Jaehyun’s omega friends (and a few of his beta buddies) have told stories all about how full and perfect it feels, how small they seem to be in the presence of someone who commands attention and obedience— an _alpha_. 

He wants to feel it, too. Jaehyun wants to know how good he’d be able to take an alpha’s dick, how he’d be stretched so full that his hole would be gaping. How absolutely mind blowing it would be. How addicting it could be. 

_No_ , Jaehyun’s inner alpha screams. _No, no, no. No!_

__Which is why it is with extreme difficulty that Jaehyun whines out, “Yuh-yes.”_ _

__

__“Hey Jaehyun, you’ve been looking more relaxed recently,” Taeil, one of Jaehyun’s beta friends, suddenly whispers as they’re in the lecture hall for a class. “Glad to see that you’re doing better, even with all the heavy workload.”_ _

__“Yeah.” The response slips easily from Jaehyun's tongue. He watches Taeil smile and stretches a hand up to stroke his hair. Without knowing it, Jaehyun closes his eyes and ducks his head so that it’s easier for Taeil to reach._ _

__“Woah,” Taeil says, and the surprised tone of it makes Jaehyun open his eyes in a flash and right himself. “You never really liked me petting you.”_ _

__“I-I just,” Jaehyun stutters. His inner alpha is berating him for wanting to be pampered. He tells them to shut the fuck up because they aren’t helping him in this situation. “It feels good, y’know? Kinda strokes my ego.”_ _

__“Ah, so Jaehyunnie feels all big when someone gives him attention,” Taeil says, rolling his eyes. “I probably should’ve expected that. You’re an alpha, after all.”_ _

__Jaehyun smiles, relieved. Next time, he’ll try not to be so obvious._ _

_Or maybe, next time, you should just act like an actual alpha and—_

__“Y-yeah,” Jaehyun says. “Yeah, o-of course.”_ _

__

__When Jaehyun opens the bathroom door, fresh out of the shower, he’s face to face with the nozzle of a spray bottle. He jumps, surprised._ _

__“What the fuck?!” The nozzle moves so that an agitated face is visible._ _

__“Don’t ‘what the fuck’ me, you should learn when to clean after yourself!” Jaehyun’s roommate huffs, glaring. “Your scent was all over the place!”_ _

__“My scent?” Jaehyun says, and sniffs. There’s a faint smell of cinnamon coming from his side of the room, but nothing too bad. “I don’t get it, Yuta hyung.”_ _

__“That’s because I already sprayed the whole room with the pheromone diffuser,” Yuta bites out. “You’re not the only one staying in this room, you know!”_ _

__“Sorry, hyung.” Jaehyun scratches his head, sheepish._ _

__Yuta scoffs and marches to the younger’s bed. He holds the bottle as if it was a gun, and aims at a pillow. “Do you know how overwhelming it was to come back home and smell you everywhere? I get that you have to jerk off sometimes, but have some decency at least.”_ _

__“I said I was sorry!”_ _

__“Oh, you will be,” Yuta growls. “When I spray the diffuser all over your bed.”_ _

__“Nooo!” Jaehyun whines and rushes to his bed. He jumps on it, rubbing himself all over the sheets so he can spread his scent all over it. “It’s mine! Don’t touch it!”_ _

__There was an awkward silence as Jaehyun realizes what he’d done, and he sits up quickly to explain himself. When he opens his mouth, no words can be formed. Yuta just stares at him with wide eyes and his mouth gaping with surprise._ _

__“I mean,” Jaehyun starts, then tries to bare his teeth in an attempt to show off his alpha-ness. He’s not sure if it works. “It’s mine. No touching.”_ _

__Yuta’s eyes flash with something that Jaehyun can’t really explain. All he knows is that it makes the hair at the base of his neck stand with fear and anticipation, makes him want to fight yet submit to the other alpha at the same time. Jaehyun still bares his teeth, signifying ‘I dare you’._ _

__Yuta sighs and places the spray bottle on a study desk, backing off. He raises his hands as if to surrender and rolls his eyes, “You got me, big, scary alpha.”_ _

__“You sound insincere.” Jaehyun pouts, rolling onto his stomach and groaning. His own scent both comforts and haunts him. The earthy, spicy smell of his pheromones tell him that yes, he’s an alpha, nothing will change that. But it blankets over him like a ghost, reminding him that he’s far from the average alpha. The normal alpha._ _

_It’s wrong. You’re wrong. You’re not normal. You’re—_

__“Whatever. So,” Yuta drawls and sits on his own bed. He raises an eyebrow. “Is there someone you like?”_ _

__“Huh?”_ _

“I mean, your smell was _everywhere_ ,” Yuta scrunches his nose to convey his point. “Who is it? Is it an omega I know?” 

“No, it’s not—” Jaehyun says, and he almost says it’s not an omega until his instincts start to berate him. _Don’t_ fucking say that, the alpha within him snaps. “I mean, there’s no one in particular.” 

__“I see,” Yuta says, eyes hooded. Jaehyun feels as if he’s being sized up, or being scrutinized under a microscope. It makes his skin prickle. The room feels warm, even though the AC is on and blasting._ _

__“Y-yeah,” Jaehyun says, suddenly feeling shy and small under Yuta's gaze. “Are you done staring at me?”_ _

__“No.”_ _

__“Hyung!” A pillow was thrown at Yuta’s face, making him laugh._ _

__

__“What do you think of Mark Lee?” One of Jaehyun’s friends, Johnny, asks over the loud music of the house party. Jaehyun hums, taking a sip of his drink. The place is packed, and while he wishes they could be chilling in the kitchen so that they have easier access to the drinks, they’re sitting on the couches in the living room instead._ _

__“He’s okay, I guess.”_ _

__“Really?” Johnny asks with a stunned look on his face. “I think he’s really adorable.”_ _

__“Of course you do,” Jaehyun groans. “You always find people cute.”_ _

__“He’s different! He’s not like other omegas,” Johnny pouts, chugging down his cup of beer. “He makes me feel things!”_ _

__Jaehyun looks at him with a bored look on his face, and makes a show of rolling his eyes. He laughs when Johnny hits him on the head with his empty cup._ _

“Then why don’t you start courting him?” Jaehyun asks, as he finishes his own cup. Johnny shrugs, a faint blush from his cheeks. Jaehyun doesn’t know if it was from the alcohol or from Mark Lee. Probably a mixture of both. “Don’t you _like_ him?” 

__Jaehyun bursts into loud laughter when he’s hit by the plastic cup again. Johnny groans, “Ugh, you’re so infuriating. I’m gonna get us some refills.”_ _

__“Thank you!” Jaehyun sing-songs. And he hands his empty cup to Johnny, and is left alone amidst the chaos of the party. He sighs and sinks into his seat, but is surprised when a familiar blonde, alpha takes Johnny’s spot. “Oh, Yuta hyung!”_ _

__“What’s up?” Yuta says, and takes a look around. “You’re hanging by yourself? Lame.”_ _

__“That was Johnny hyung’s seat,” Jaehyun points at the seats now being occupied by Yuta. “And you stole it!”_ _

“Oh no. What a nightmare,” Yuta says, sarcasm dripping in his voice. He leans forward and looks straight into the ravenet’s eyes. They’re piercing, and command every bit of the Jaehyun's attention. Jaehyun swallows, because his throat feels very dry. “What are you gonna do? Are you gonna be a big, bad alpha again?” 

jaehyun can’t speak. His innate nature is saying _yes, show him what you’re made of, show him how much of an alpha you are_. But… Jaehyun wants to know what would happen if he says no, if he backs down. Sure, he masturbates to the thought of being fucked by an alpha, but he never really thought about actually _submitting_ to one. They're two different things. Right? 

__Yuta is looking at him as if he’s a piece of meat. Jaehyun wonders what it would feel like to be devoured by him._ _

__“That’s my seat, you ass.” A voice suddenly cuts between the tension, and it dispels. Yuta leans back as if nothing had happened, as if he wasn’t staring into Jaehyun’s soul._ _

__“Sorry, hyung, but finders keepers.” Yuta sticks a tongue out at Johnny, making Johnny huff as he hands Jaehyun his cup back._ _

__“I swear, the both of you get on my nerves. But compared to you,” Johnny says, and slaps a hand on Jaehyun's back. Jaehyun jumps and stiffens. “Jaehyunnie is an angel!”_ _

__Johnny rubs the Jaehyun's shoulder, and the latter doesn’t realize that he’s slightly shaking, or that Yuta is staring at them with yet another unreadable expression on his face._ _

__

__“Saturday!” Jaehyun exclaims as he burrows himself deeper onto his bed. He rubs his head all over his pillow, breathing in the smell of cinnamon. Yuta scoffs scoffs._ _

__“Yeah, better enjoy it while you can,” Yuta says as he changes his shirt. The door is wide open, and the younger can see Yuta shooting finger guns at himself afterwards. “We only have two free Saturdays each month and this is just the first one.”_ _

__“I know,” Jaehyun groans out, and then sits up. “Are you going out, hyung?”_ _

__“Yep,” Yuta says as he steps out of the bathroom, throwing his shirt carelessly onto the floor, which lands right beside Jaehyun's bed. He picks up his backpack and starts preparing his things, “What about you? Are you really going to sleep away your day off?”_ _

__“I’m too lazy to do anything else,” Jaehyun says as he flops back down. He snuggles into his sheets, and embraces the warmth. “Have fun for me, hyung.”_ _

__“Brat,” Yuta says with no real bite. He says goodbye, and leaves. The moment the door shuts, Jaehyun sits up and listens for fading footsteps. When he’s certain that Yuta is really gone, he just about pulls apart his bedside drawer to get his trusty bottle of lube._ _

__“Damn. I’m almost out,” Jaehyun says as he considers the weight of the bottle in his hand. It’s almost empty, and for a few seconds he’s worried that he might injure himself when he, ah… does his business, but he’s been masturbating so much, often pushing himself to his limit. Surely, his body has adjusted over the past several weeks. “Eh, I’ll just buy more after this.”_ _

__He wastes no time slipping off his boxers, getting on all fours, and spreading his legs. Jaehyun takes the time to run a hand down one of his legs, sturdy and slightly muscular due to his alpha nature. He slaps the inside of one of his thighs, and jolts at the bolt of pain that shoots through. It hurts but… somehow, his leg feels all tingly and warm._ _

__Jaehyun finds himself craving for that feeling again, and slaps his other thigh, although significantly harder. He whimpers when the pain melts into pleasure, and he’s surprised when he looks down to see that he’s already half hard just from slapping his own thighs._ _

“Fuck,” Jaehyun sucks a breath through his teeth as he looks down and watches how red handprints are blooming on both his thighs. He spreads his legs more as he opens the bottle and spreads the last of his lube all over his fingers. He rubs a finger on his asshole, slowly easing it in. “Oh, _fuckkk_ —” 

__He pants out, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. Tight as always, and he wastes no time in slowly but surely sliding in two more fingers. Jaehyun whines as he spreads his fingers inside him, and he feels exposed._ _

__“N-not big enough,” He mindlessly babbles, and he grinds down on his fingers as he tries to imagine taking an actual alpha’s dick. God, how would it feel like to be split open by an alpha, to be forced into submission? How would it feel like to be fucked into oblivion and have his brain turned into mush because of how rough the alpha is, how unforgiving and harsh they'd treat him? “Need… n-need—”_ _

__Jaehyun’s eyes are rolling around, being so lost in his fantasies, and his gaze eventually sharpens onto Yuta’s discarded shirt. His mouth waters, because that shirt belongs to another _alpha_. He reaches for it with his free hand, whimpering when his fingers just brush against the fabric. “Need you, a-alpha.”_ _

__Jaehyun knows it’s wrong, thinking about his roommate like this. His inner alpha is telling him to stop trying to get the shirt because it knows they’re spiraling into a rabbit hole that they may not come out of, but Jaehyun falls into it willingly. He’s just so turned on and so desperate, and he feels a little pathetic as his fingers catch onto the shirt, and he pulls it up to him._ _

__“A-alpha,” Jaehyun moans out as the scent of nutmeg hits him. The woodsy and spicy smell floods his nose, and after the spiciness comes a slightly sweet note. It’s heaven— it’s the scent of Yuta. “Alpha, alpha a-alpha.”_ _

__It’s easier for him to block out his inner alpha’s chattering and snarls, compared to before, but it’s still there. It’s a little funny, his instincts are insulting him for stooping so low, but Jaehyun just sees it as dirty talk._ _

_What will Yuta think if he sees you like this? Huh?_

__“H-he’s,” Jaehyun pants out. His ears turn a dark red just by thinking about it. God, if Yuta saw this, he’ll actually die of shame. But since he’s not here, it’s sexy. It's sexy as fuck. “H-he’s gonna c-call me dirty. B-because I’m just a-a useless a-alpha— ah!”_ _

__Jaehyun buries his head into the shirt in an effort to muffle his sounds. The wet squelch of the lubricant echoes throughout the room as he whispers the same name over and over, like a mantra, “Yuta….Yuta, Yuta, Y-Yuta—”_ _

__“Hey Jaehyun, I forgot something so I—” A familiar voice slices through his thoughts and makes Jaehyun stop all movement. He freezes, because he realizes he just fucking jinxed himself._ _

__He takes out his fingers, flops onto his back, and covers his junk to see Yuta standing by the door. He looks shocked, and he moves his head a bit to look at something behind Jaehyun, who follows his gaze and, to his horror, realizes that Yuta's shirt is still on his bed. Jaehyun promptly flings it to the other side of the room._ _

__They’re silent, and Yuta staring at him in disbelief. His eyes slowly move from Jaehyun’s red face, to his slightly shaking body, down to his thighs marked with handprints, and to his ass where excess lube is leaking out. When he meets Jaehyun's eyes again, Yuta’s own are filled with that unreadable emotion once more, the one that has Jaehyun torn whether he should fight or yield._ _

__“I knew it.”_ _

__It’s all Yuta says before Jaehyun is scrambling off the bed. He all but runs into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door._ _

**Author's Note:**

> Looks into the camera as if I'm in The Office
> 
> twitter: @starsnatched


End file.
